Four for Fall, Week Four: Change is the Only Constant

Boy, did I leave the most challenging topic for the last week, or what?

We’re all familiar with that phrase- change is the only constant- and on the surface, we understand it; but when asked to dive a bit deeper into the concept of impermanance, we likely are met with fear or anxiety. We’re conditioned to believe that change is binary: it’s either good (a new baby, a job promotion) or bad (a death, unexpected bills). What if we were able to be mindful in the presence of change, to encounter change without expectations, to look at transitions through clear lenses rather than through either rose-colored or darkened lenses?

“THINGS CHANGE.

The point is to take your seat in the mystery of this change and allow your awareness to be like the depths of the ocean (which is an image that the Buddha used). And on the surface of the ocean are storms and waves and rainbows and maybe even, you know, cargo ships or whatever and sailboats and all of the things that happen on the surface which can be ackowledged and actually valued.

But at the same time, there is a dimension of life, of awareness that you can discover- tune in to, rest in- that is silent and deep and embracing of all that, but also with a perfect balance, a kind of wisdom that says: ‘yeah, these are the inevitable changes on the surface, but here is the stillness of awareness underneath it all’.” - Jack Kornfield, Heart Wisdom podcast, Ep. 1

Lately I’ve gotten caught up in the surface changes and neglected to recognize that stillness underneath. I have been operating as if my people and all of the known things in my life (right down to knowing what, exactly, is in aisle six of the grocery store) would stay the same while I’m off exploring a new country.

Recognizing the profound changes in my life right now has been challenging. I’ve gone from being home owner/micro business owner/community member/ neighborhood dweller to homeless/jobless/tourist/expat. I’m not one who likes lables, and I don’t want to come off as complaining or needy here.

CHANGE IS HARD.

I’m reminding myself as often as I can remember to that this journey is not without purpose. I don’t know what the fuck that purpose is just yet, but I’m committed to taking all of those known things and former self labels with me to use as guides or fuel or prayer flags or freak flags, moving forward one day at a time, trying to pause and notice the stillness underneath.

I’ll leave you with this:

“In this life

you will find bridges,

trails well-worn and broken

unpaved and abundantly clear

many others have traveled here.

You will meet other

travelers on trails

leaving footprints of all sizes.

And many will forget

to slow down

and reflect

on all it took to get here-

the strength,

struggle,

progress.

See your life with

gratitude,

joy and peace.

Invite others to

join your movement

of intentionality.”

-from How Far You Have Come by Morgan Harper Nichols

Until next time, friends.

Four for Fall, Week Three: The Best Bite

Usually around this time of year, I’m gearing up for the holiday season: making plans to travel or see family, scribbling ideas for gifts or baking projects, winterizing the house. This year is a bit different, to be sure, as not only will I be away from the US for the triumverate of holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Day), but my baking will be done with the metric system, and there’s really no such thing as winterizing, unless you count throwing on a sweatshirt in the mornings as “winterizing.”

One thing I will miss this year is the annual Turkey Trot. For the past 25 years, it has been in Gladstone, MI, first down by the park, and most recently starting and finishing at the Senior Center. Fun fact: even though I only lived ~7 miles away, I still had to Google how to get to the Senior Center every year.

But back to the story. Leading up to the Turkey Trot, I would always chat with my friends Joanna and Jess, as it was one of our running traditions to meet each other at the event and share a cup of hot chocolate and a donut post-run. “What’s our pace going to be this year?” “Wait, we’re not actually running this, are we?” “Which hat are you wearing?” all questions that needed answers pre-run. Inevitably the talk would move to everyone’s plans for the rest of the day: where each of us was heading for the holiday meal, who would be there, and what was on the menu.

And without fail, Jess would talk about how excited she was about the gathering with her family later that day. Yes, she was looking forward to spending time with her parents, children, etc., but what really excited Jess was the food, and how once again she would be attempting to take the menu and get a bit of everything on her fork, creating The Best Bite. Instead of allowing herself to get overwhelmed with the details of the day (the turkey, stuffing, who’s making dessert? gosh I hope ___ doesn’t bring up ___ again), she looks at one thing she can control about the day and focuses her attention on that.

Often times we go into known situations with preconceived notions of what is going to happen, often times we allow ourselves to get overwhelmed, often times we end up disappointed or angry or sad…but what if instead of worrying ourselves sick with all of the “knowns” (after all, we’ve been here before) we focus instead on the giddy anticipation that is The Best Bite? If we are practicing mindfulness, we can train our brain to expect the best rather than the worst.

What does all this have to do with yoga, and seasonal transitions? EVERYTHING.

With yoga and mindfulness, our attention transitions to noticing the positive things, which in turn our goal setting becomes integrated into our daily lives, which in turn the days can become easier and more fluid, which in turn means that we can focus on more pleasurable things instead of worrying about holiday tension and life frustrations or shitty weather. What’s that beautiful quote?

“You are the sky. Everything else- it’s just the weather.” -Pema Chodron

So think about what’s to come, friends. Bring your mind to where you’re going to be (at the end of this season, at the next holiday gathering, at work, in your important relationships), and while I don’t expect you to be able to ignore the challenges, maybe just for a few moments you can focus on the things that are good and allow them to happen with ease and a smile.

Until next time, friends.

Four for Fall, Week Two: Honor the In Between

dichotomy noun- division into two parts, often contradictory

juxtaposition noun- placing side by side to compare and contrast

At first glance, you could think that the two words presented are synonyms. And while they are similar, they’re not really the same. What may start as an exercise in juxtaposition- say, trying to choose between a cruise to the Bahamas and a beach front resort in Mexico- often ends up, after careful study, to be a dichotomy.

Both options in the example above have sunshine, tropical temperatures, and water. But look closer and see the details that will ultimately have you choose one over the other: maybe you’ll prefer the sand and solitude of that beach front to the constant entertainment and predetermined itinerary of the cruise. Maybe you’ve already decided on one option before you realize you’d actually prefer the other. Buyer’s remorse, you might even call it.

But is that bad?

This week our focus has been on the space between “no longer” and “not yet.” I’ve been asking you to “Honor the In Between,” which is not really a compromise as much as it is asking you to be mindful about the goals you set and the choices you make.

Can you (whispers) have it all? It’s the old “have your cake and eat it, too” dilemma.

There are just as many articles, essays, songs,etc. that say you can have it all as there are to suggest that you cannot. Think about how people tend to sacrifice one area of their life in order to have the other (work/life balance, anyone?!).

Well, I’m on Team Have It All, and for me it boils down to two things: 1) knowing specifically what you want, and 2) knowing the work needed to reach that goal. More succinctly:

1) Define it - Name it - Own it

2) Get ready - Dig in - Make it happen

If you can complete step one, you’ve likely done one of my favorite things: made a list! Pros/cons, compare/contrast, advantages/disadvantages and so on…and you might look at those lists and notice dichotomies and juxtapositions and say to yourself “not yet.” If we are being mindful throughout the process, we can recognize that those two words do not equal failure, rather they’re the wisdom of admitting we need help, either from outside sources or in the form of taking our goal and breaking it down into more manageable steps.

So as we move through Week Two towards Week Three, maybe your assignment is to really work on number one (above). Define your most precious goal, use all the tools at your disposal to hone in on it, name it, and then own it. And if after all that work you need to press the pause button and say “not yet,” well then so be it. Honor the In Between, remember?

Until next time, friends.

Four for Fall, Week One: Resistance to Change

Hello and welcome to Week One! I’m glad we’re able to connect during this transitional time: not only have I transferred my physical studio space to a new yogi (making me entirely virtual for the time being), but I’ve sold my home and my car, and moved to Portugal for the next few months. Phew! That’s a lot.

I have to admit that I was pretty nervous and anxious about everything. I mean, what if I hated being transient for the rest of the calendar year? What if I missed owning a home? What if I regretted handing over the studio to someone new? What if I hated not having a car when I returned to the states? Add on top of these big “what ifs” was the fact that much of my time would be without my partner, just me and our son. One-year-olds and international travel? Oof. That’s a lot.

About two weeks after I left Michigan and my partner returned to work in the U.K., I almost had a breakdown. Almost said “fuck it,” and tried to come up with an alternate plan to the one I had worked diligently towards for months. I hadn’t purchased my plane ticket to Portugal yet, still had my car at this point, and was falling into a steady rhythm of hanging out with my son, taking long walks in the early-slightly-less-sticky-evenings Central Florida had on offer, plus spending weekends with my daughter and son-in-law near Tampa. Isn’t it funny how we can distract ourselves with being busy doing nothing urgent, and yet we convince ourselves that we are SO BUSY? The moment I realized that this new routine was me being resistant to change- big change, mind you- was the moment I had to talk myself into being brave enough to say “fuck it,” but with different intent: let’s see what happens vs. I like my comfort zone.

How many times have you been in that same place? It seems that every year around this time, the splendor of Early Fall gives way to the dinge of Deep Fall, and many of us do what we’ve always done: put away the patio furniture and flip flops, bundle up, and complain. *Raises hand and waves it wildly*

But what if we softened our resistance to the changes happening around us, to us, by our own hand? What if we were able to welcome changes and see them as opportunities for growth instead of something to tolerate? What if we were able to acknowlege that many times when we think we’re enduring whatever is on our plate- seasonal changes, job changes, friendship or relationship changes, location changes- we’re not really coping, but are failing to honor our best interests by being…apathetic. Wouldn’t that be something? To be able to get unstuck? That would be a lot.

So what’s happening now for me? Well, I’m in Portugal typing this blog post, for starters. I don’t miss owning a home as much as I thought. I do worry about the studio and the people who helped me build a true sangha, but am confident I left them in kind, loving and eager hands. And the car? Ahhhh…I never liked that fucking Prius.

As we move through these next few weeks together, I’ve committed to being more open to taking what’s on offer, and to being intentionally positive in the face of any challenges. I’m ready to get back into a regular physical practice- my body, mind and spirit need the connection that only happens for me on the mat. And I’m ready to hear what challenges you’re facing, both on and off the mat, and how we can help navigate these changes together, the only resistance being against any hesitancy to sharing. I know it’s a lot, but sharing lightens the load.

Until next time friends,

Rachel

More Studio Vibes

Hello again, friends!

I know that I’ve let this blog fall to the wayside, but I’m going to unashamedly blame pandemic life as well as new baby life for my lack of urgency here.

This post will be short and sweet: sharing playlists from the final months of 2020 plus the first three months of 2021. Images below link to Spotify and open in a new window.

To say that music was a needed escape during lock down/pandemic restrictions/new baby life is an understatement; it quite literally kept me focused on something I love (music) and something that hopefully helped make others happy. Enjoy!

Until next time, Rachel

Studio Vibes

I can’t remember exactly when I started curating playlists. Maybe it was junior high, maybe not until high school, but let’s just say its been a LONG time, and has evolved from recording songs off the radio, to dubbing songs on a double cassette boom box, to burning CDs on computers, to now utilizing streaming services like Spotify.

The allure of playing DJ has always been a strong pull for me, and since starting to teach and then opening my own yoga studio, I’ve tried to harness the power of music to help convey a message, reinforce a theme, or simply set a mood.

That’s where these playlists come in.

They aren’t meant to practice to, rather they’re a way to communicate with my students (and anyone else who’s interested) what’s on my mind. Maybe its a beat or rhythm (“That Beat” by Quavius) that feels good, maybe its something with a bit of a power chorus (“Faraway Look” by Yola), maybe there’s a theme (March was all female artists), or maybe I’m thinking of someone and creating a playlist for them (August).

Here’s the link to what I listened to in 2019 (which seems like FOREVER ago, amiright?!), start to finish, all twelve months. See if you can figure out where the break for each month is.

And now here’s what 2020 has brought so far (click the image to go to each Spotify playlist). Enjoy!

Until next time,

Rachel

Restoration: A Work In Progress

Week 4 of the studio’s 40 Day Yoga Challenge had the theme of RESTORATION, as in revival, renewal, renovation. For me and for other group members, this was a difficult week. For me in particular, “rest” isn’t part of my regular vocabulary. And not because I don’t want or need to rest, but because I feel obligated to embrace the hustle of being my own boss. My partner often says to me, “You’re always so busy, always going. Why don’t you relax?” To which I usually reply, “Old habits die hard- I’m a work in progress.”

Another lifetime ago, I was even busier than I am now, always moving, always doing, always busy finishing one task and simultaneously starting a new one. Manic cleaning sessions (Marie Kondo who?). Dealing with the physical world and spaces I could control- kids, laundry, cooking, exercise, work, etc.- was a way to distract me from the emotional wreck that was life married to an alcoholic. It took many years (still married) to talk myself into making time for rest, to learn to re-frame what was happening (“Other people’s problems are not your problems.”), and learning to say NO to the same old same old, and YES to something new. As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

I got divorced. I got a puppy. I went camping- alone- to get in touch with nature. I took vacations by myself. I took a hard look at what commitments were essential to my health and well being, and started saying NO to so many things that didn’t fit me.

Fast forward to the present: do I still over schedule myself? Of course. My business/livelihood takes up a good chunk of my days, and honestly it’s a lot of energy exerted. But I love it, and the work I get to do fills up my cup. Gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) nudges from my partner help me regain perspective and schedule some “me time,” and I’m always grateful for his advice: self care isn’t selfish, it’s self preservation.

So Week 4 had me saying no to filling up my schedule with massage clients, and saying yes to a spa pedicure. And that got me thinking that perhaps I need to schedule that restorative time for myself rather than waiting until I get close to the edge of burn out, and then scrambling to find time. It’s never too late to start something new.

Until next time, friends.

*!@# Equanimity

This past week the theme for the studio’s 40 Day Yoga Challenge was EQUANIMITY- levelheadedness, composure, serenity- and it was the toughest one for me so far. Some of the easy tips for cultivating that peacefulness (say, don’t compare yourself to others) seemed incredibly out of reach. On the surface, everyone else has their shit together, don’t they? Meanwhile, I could barely remember the days of the week, or to feed the dog, to brush my teeth, to set my alarm, to breathe.

I did manage to spend a few hours on my laptop browsing on Pinterest and organizing photos, though. And that’s when I found the above photo. Yep, that’s me: super blissed out at sunrise on a camping trip during an unseasonably warm weekend in October a few years ago. I’m calm, balanced, focused, serene. I paused for a long time when this photo popped up and just marveled at that woman, that weekend, the feelings that embody that photo. It used to be so easy to get there- what happened? Where the *!@# is my equanimity? Where is my serenity now?

The article I posted for our challenge participants to read had a list of questions I asked them to respond to. My responses: 1) Some things I’m doing today that I couldn’t have done five/three/one year ago= I’m self employed, I’m in a stable relationship, and I have way less stress. 2) I’ve stepped up professionally in the past year, continuing my education and growing my business as a result. 3) Concrete improvements to my life since last year include some exciting developments in truly living adventurously and internationally. 4) The negative behavior I never thought I could quit? Feelings of scarcity. I used to live on the edge, never feeling worthy of abundance of any kind, not in work, money, friends, adventures, time, love, affection. This one is a work in progress.

And so back to that photo.

What happened that I felt unable to get that sense of equanimity back this past week (the past few months!)? Look again at my list: moving from my long term job to being solely self employed didn’t actually mitigate my stress, it just transferred it to a different place. While my relationship is loving and stable, it’s long distance- reallllllllyyyyyy long distance- and comes with its own kind of stresses. Feelings of scarcity still abound and comparisons still happen, despite my best efforts. Equanimity then, like all things worth fighting for, is a work in progress.

Moving forward, how can I do better? How can I keep my shit together? How can I find that calm?

I can talk myself into doing the hard things, promote myself and my business, hustle behind the scenes, and continue to prioritize my physical health. Conversely, I can talk myself out of doing things that drain me mentally and emotionally, let go of feeling obligated to spend time and energy doing things I don’t enjoy, and instead spend time feeding my intellectual curiosities, my sense of adventure, and my love (need?) of feeling like I’m in charge of my days.

Time to get back on my own side and champion my needs.

Until next time, friends.

Moved By Spirit

FACT: I practice yoga every day.

FACT: I do not love practicing yoga every day.

What a thing for a yoga teacher to say! But hear me out.

This week’s theme has been VITALITY, meaning energy, stamina, and spirit. And some days, I’d really rather stay in bed, or curl up on the couch, or even fold laundry rather than roll out my mat and practice. I know you’ve been there, too, where obligations meet exasperation. Where and how do I find the resilience to practice anyway?

There’s a literary device I learned about from my high school college prep English teacher, Mr. Phil Williams. He had us read “Death Of A Salesman” by Arthur Miller, and I don’t think I’m ruining anything by telling you there’s a funeral scene in the play. Miller describes the scene as somber, “the leaves of the day appearing over everything.” Using human emotions to describe nature is called pathetic fallacy. Think: angry storm, bitter winter, smiling sun.

There’s not much you can do about the weather; Mother Nature is gonna do whatever she wants, your opinion and to-do list be damned.

And that’s the approach I take when I approach my practice: I can’t change XYZ, so I might as well use the energy or vibe available to inform my practice. Smiling sunshine? I’ve got an upbeat and energizing flow. Bitter cold? There’s lots of breath work to heat me up from the inside out. Somber clouds? I move slow and quite mindfully, allowing myself to be uncomfortable. I use my spirit to inform my movements.

What about that other word I mentioned in our online group: SHAKTI? That divine energy? It takes on so many forms, as you learned from reading about those goddesses. Listen: when you are truly present to the moment at hand- angry energy, happy energy, sad and sobbing energy- your shakti will help you. It may take the form of Saraswati as you feel the music with your practice; if you feel healthy and strong, your inner Lakshmi is bestowing the gift of good health to you; and likewise, perhaps Kali comes out when you’re frustrated- she the destroyer of bad and also the bearer of new life.

I’m not asking you to study Hinduism, I’m offering you some insight and a new way to see an old problem. Take from it what you will. I use the goddesses to give my energy a name and description, maybe even coming to some realization during practice that I wouldn’t have otherwise noted.

Back to those facts at the start of this post: why do I practice every day even if I don’t want to? Why does anyone do anything that’s difficult? The only obligation I have to practice every day is to myself, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my yoga practice, it’s that I love and respect myself enough to make myself a priority, whatever form of divine energy I take. I do the hard things to remind me that I’m alive, that I have gifts to share, that movement is a gift.

Until next time, friends.

Presence In Practice

I have a Word Of The Year this year- an idea I saw on an Instagram account, of all places- and have decided to dedicate myself to embodying and embracing the word rather than some soon-to-be-discarded resolution. My word? CHALLENGE.

Every time I pause before making a decision, I'll challenge myself to do the opposite of what I normally would do. For instance, the other morning I woke to my alarm at 4:30 am to ready myself for a 5:00 am workout at the gym with a couple of clients. I drove to the gym, and didn't see either person's vehicle, so I checked my messages, expecting to see a text saying “on my way” or “running late five minutes.” Instead, I saw one message bowing out due to a sick child; I sent a quick text to the other client, and they had already gone back to bed. So I had a choice to make: go home and go back to bed myself, or go inside and do my workout alone.

Remembering my WOTY, I got out of the car and went inside to do my workout. If I had not stopped and remained in the moment- PRESENCE!- and challenged myself, I'd have thought about the warm blankets on my bed the entire drive back home, ignoring the messages my body was sending me to move and sweat.

Mantra: I am patient with my process of transformation.

Mantra: I am patient with my process while staying focused on my desired outcome.

Mantra: I am patient with myself when I recognize I am not present in the moment.

What does it really look like to be present? Is it your phone face down on the table during lunch with a friend? Or is it keeping it in your bag or coat pocket? Is it asking your family about their day over dinner? Or is it waiting until the meal is complete & then moving the conversation to the sofa or a cozy nook away from electronics? Is it choosing the quick food option? Or is it using healthy, whole foods to nourish your body?

KNOW BETTER, DO BETTER is the battle cry. But so often we reach for the lowest hanging fruit and call it enough.

For me, presence in practice is so much more than a determined focus on one thing; it is acknowledging that my time and attention are currency and also a gift. It is fighting with my monkey mind to give up a bit of chaos for a bit of control; it is remembering that splitting my attention benefits no one, especially myself.

Remember that presence is really about giving and receiving: it feels good to give your time and attention to others, and it feels good to be on the receiving end as well. It is a means of communication with those you love: when you give, you're saying “I see you. I care about you. You are important to me.” Likewise, when you receive, you're saying “I appreciate you. I appreciate what you have to offer. What you give is enough. You are enough.”

When we give, our intention matters, it is energy that we are sharing with those we love. Being the recipient of a gift can be especially vulnerable, too; allowing others to see your appreciation gives them a glimpse of what's inside you, and that reflection of self then, is a gift, and receiver becomes giver.

Give the gift of presence to those around you. Give the gift of presence to yourself. Living in the moment- rather than holding on to past, or projecting into the future- is a gift that starts within you; the joy and calm you receive will multiply and reach those you love.

Until next time, friends.

Studio Vibes, or A Lesson On Sharing Love

It is already February, friends, and the past few weeks around here have seen Mother Nature’s mood swings! But the beginning of a new month is a place that I love- the blank calendar pages, maybe birthdays or anniversaries or vacations penciled in the little squares- a space of possibilities.

The past few months I’ve started to pay more attention to the start of each month and that space of possibility, going so far as to choose a theme to carry with me for the next x-number of days, and then curate a playlist to come along for the ride.

These playlists- Studio Vibes- started out as being nothing more than allowing friends into the crazy space between my ears. A more nuanced and pop culture influenced/life influenced/friend influenced/frustration influenced/work influenced-method of communicating and sharing a theme with people I love.

November Studio Vibes was pretty lush, sound-wise, with some slower sounds, a few upbeat sounds, and no real discernible theme. I think I was looking forward to a holiday filled with sunshine & the beach, and wanted to try and capture the easiness of vacation days.

December Studio Vibes was only a teensy bit holiday-ish (shout out to A Charlie Brown Christmas and the Vince Guaraldi Trio, and yes, Mariah Carey), and really leaned more towards music that I felt was a good mix for the variety of people we spend winter holidays with: some jazz, some rock, some emo, some r & b.

January Studio Vibes was meant to be both forward-thinking and retrospective. I wanted the playlist to tell the story of life: all of the special (and mundane) events that mark a calendar and make a story. Weddings, birth, promises, changes and challenges, death. It’s all there, I hope.

Which brings us now to February.

I’ll give you one guess as to the theme.

I started thinking about love, all the people I love, the places, the things. I kept thinking about the different ways we define love and our individual love stories- like how some have finally found “The One.” Have you found yours? Did it take more than one time trying on this love thing? Two times? Three? You’ve lost count?

Let me digress for a minute: You know how people say “you just never know” when you’ll meet The One? It’s true. You could be in grade school or high school or college. You could be in the grocery store or out for a run or a bike or even at the gym. Maybe you’re at a fundraiser or professional conference. Maybe you’re at the bar having a drink. Maybe you’re driving in your car and you catch their eye as they run or walk by your car.

But you meet. Sparks and fireworks and angels singing. Or nothing, really, except an internal “huh.” And then you’re an item, a couple, in a relationship. And then what? LIFE happens, and it might wedge between you and them. Maybe you’ll weather the storm, maybe your umbrella will flip inside-out and become irreparable. What then?

Love. Learn. Repeat.

In yoga, we talk about energy centers, or chakras, and how they can be open/active or closed/stuck. The heart chakra- anahata in Sanskrit- is right in the middle of the seven chakras, and is close to your anatomical heart. The word anahata translates to “unstruck” or “unhurt,” and it is believed that when this chakra is balanced, you’re in a pure and spiritual place that is buried beneath all of the hurt from the past (gotta work through it!); it is the place where your physical and spiritual selves meet, where your hopes and dreams are integrated in such a way that they have no choice but to manifest.

There’s the “learn” part for you.

What does all this have to do with playlists? Nothing, except to suggest you share a listening experience with someone you love. It doesn’t have to be my playlist. Doesn’t have to be a playlist at all. Watch a movie together, take a walk, cook a meal for each other, get old-fashioned and write/read a love letter or poem. Need inspiration? Take some from this poem written by the late genius, Mary Oliver:

Coming Home

When we are driving in the dark,
on the long road to Provincetown,
when we are weary,
when the buildings and the scrub pines lose their familiar look,
I imagine us rising from the speeding car.
I imagine us seeing everything from another place--
the top of one of the pale dunes, or the deep and nameless
fields of the sea.
And what we see is a world that cannot cherish us,
but which we cherish.
And what we see is our life moving like that
along the dark edges of everything,
headlights sweeping the blackness,
believing in a thousand fragile and unprovable things.
Looking out for sorrow,
slowing down for happiness,
making all the right turns
right down to the thumping barriers to the sea,
the swirling waves,
the narrow streets, the houses,
the past, the future,
the doorway that belongs
to you and me.

*sigh*

And so I leave you with this playlist, February Studio Vibes, a tribute to all the ways we love: dreamy, upbeat, dirty, joyful, declarative.

Until next time, Rachel

BIG NEWS coming soon!

Here at Ahava Studio, our goal is always to help our clients feel good in the body that they have. Coming soon, we'll have an announcement about our expanded offerings at the studio.

In the meantime, we hope to see you at one of our in studio sessions, or at one of our partner events with Deep North Living.  

Centering

centering (v)- to come to a focus; converge; concentrate

As we've moved through the 40 Day Challenge at the studio, our weekly themes have progressed along with our practice; from presence and vitality to  equanimity and restoration, we've explored it all both on and off the mat. You might think that "centering" would be towards the start of this journey- focus and concentration being important elements of a yoga practice- but in fact it's right where it needs to be. We cannot center ourselves without first doing all the work at our feet. 

Centering, then, is the penultimate step before we can truly celebrate our practice, our yoga. It is at this point we can remind ourselves, "This is the beginning of anything you want."

It's difficult to believe sometimes, though, isn't it? These simple instructions- be present with what's in front of you, focus your energy to the task at hand, stay present with the truth of your being, be patient, (and now) stay with your peace- are able to help us through myriad situations, not just the physical practice of yoga.

There is a concept- samyama- that in simple terms of yogic practice translates into YOU becoming the object of concentration, YOU are the yoga. Your body is there, your mind is present, and you are "doing yoga" or "meditating," but when you fully come into samyama, a full awareness, it is only after building to it through stages. 

Tasya Bhumisu Viniyogah

Its practice is to be accomplished in stages.

Yoga Sutra 3.6, Patanjali

We are the culmination of all our days before today.

This is true each and every morning we wake, each and every time we roll out our mat and commit to our practice. The Sanskrit word samyama translates as tying up, binding together, or integration. Think about those concepts now in relation to a yoga practice that has grown and evolved over a period of time (like through our 40 Day Challenge). You cannot go back to who you were before you started. You cannot discount the work done to get you to the present moment. 

For many practitioners, we can experience this type of centering during meditation or savasana; we may feel aware of our physical presence on the cushion or mat, but our minds take us outside our body, outside the physical space we're in, and off to a place where we feel as if in a trance. It's a beautiful place to be. 

A tool that is always with us for this centering practice is of course our breath. Try repeating this phrase when you need to get centered: "I am present within myself. I can center myself with the ease of my breath. I feel grounded, confident, worthy and whole."

Remember that you cannot rush this process, and that no one can do the work for you. 

"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want."

- Lao Tzu

Until next time,

XO Rachel

Choosing Calmness

Week three of the studio's 40 Day Challenge had us contemplating the notion of equanimity. This may have been a new concept for some of the participants, but it's one that I think is important to learn to embrace.

equanimity (n)- mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain; calmness.

“Equanimity is not about pretending that things don't affect you. Equanimity is actually about realizing that everything affects you, and learning to stay present with that truth.”

- Ethan Nichtern

So much of our lives are busy and filled with routines: family, work, school, errands, friends, etc. We don't stop and think about what we're actually doing- we're just on autopilot. It seems the only time we do stop is when something goes wrong. You're running late for work and get a speeding ticket. Your child gets sick at school and interrupts your lunch plans with a friend. Your boss wants that report sooner than originally planned.

And how do we respond in those moments? Do we take responsibility for what has happened? Not usually. We think in terms of things happening to us or because of us. What we really need to do is recognize that SHIT HAPPENS. Yep. And perhaps we could've done something to help avoid a situation- not pressed the snooze on the alarm clock, kept our child home with that slight fever instead of sending them off to school, spent less time chatting with coworkers and more time actually working. Even so, would the outcome really be different?

We can only guess, and as such, we can only respond to what happens. Our response is the only thing we can control.

“Things do not change; we change.” -Henry David Thoreau

So how does this happen? How do we become more in tune with our world and our responses to it? For me, it boils down to thoughtfully considering how I want to feel. I don't want to feel rushed, tired, scattered, anxious, angry or unloved. I try to practice saying YES to situations where I know I'll feel relaxed, happy and grateful (which in turn means I'm saying NO to that first list!). Am I great at this practice? Hell no!

Evidence: I still drag myself to a job that doesn't bring me joy or a deep level of personal fulfillment (because I'm saying YES to great benefits and health insurance); I still live in a climate that takes me into the cave of SAD five to six months out of the year (because I'm saying YES to the friends-cum-family community I've built here); I still attend events I have absolutely zero interest in (because I'm saying YES to not going on the inevitable guilt trip if I stay home); I still break down and eat those terrible, awful (delicious, sickeningly sweet) pink frosted LoftHouse cookies from the grocery store (because I'm saying YES to a tiny bit of rebellion and self-indulgence).

In the immortal words of basketball great Allen Iverson: “We talkin' about PRACTICE.”

Equanimity then, for me, is recognizing that the job I still go to will be exactly the same whether or not I'm there; the climate of where I currently live is, for the most part, predictable; the events I attend (or don't attend!) will happen anyway; those cookies will sit on that shelf in all their sugary glory whether I buy them or not. All of these things just ARE; they don't change, I do.

Two things I try to do (again- practice!) to keep things in check are to shift my vision, and to stop thinking I know it all. That second one is pretty tough for a (slightly reformed) control freak like myself. Let's take my work, for example: if I focus on the YES for a few moments and on the feelings associated with that YES choice, things shift. I find that I no longer want to tire myself out with curriculum and IEPs and office politics, and my priority shifts to wanting to feel happy to go to work, to feel challenged with what I do, to feel joy in helping others find joy. And then I think, “So, then I say NO to benefits and health insurance?...” What will it cost me to say YES to daily joy? A 3% match to my 401K? My adult kids will have to *gasp* buy their own health insurance? I'll only fill the gas tank on my vehicle every other week?

You get it? Making the shift is HARD.

My advice? Baby steps.

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom. Your struggles with the world will have come to an end.”

-Ajahn Chah

I can't change the job itself. Can I change how often I'm there? Can I work only 32 hours each week instead of 40+? Can I say NO to sitting on another committee and instead focus on actually connecting with the students? Can I let go a little, and have a little peace?

Side note: whenever I start to think too deeply about these issues, it's in my nature to lighten the mood with pop culture references...so...

Charlotte feels guilty for quitting her job because she knows her fiend will not approve. This reminds of some of the elements of feminism that sometimes limit women's freedom instead of increasing them. Article: https://thepowermoves.com/women-biggest-early-dating-mistakes/#Too_Little_Femininity

Which is to say, it is yet another layer of practice to limit the influence of other people's opinions. Trust yourself, catch yourself from falling into the routine of “the devil you know,” shift- even for just a moment- to leading with your instinct and heart rather than with pragmatism.

And so here we are back at learning to be present, to live with intention, to being mindful of how our choices affect us on myriad levels, to responding with what we know in our hearts is best. We're back to learning to notice what's happening around us, and to letting it happen, no response necessary. Say YES to the calmness, say NO to the unease.

Until next time,

XO Rachel

Comfort Zones & New Chapters

This week as part of our 40 Day Yoga Challenge, the journal reading and video spoke to the ubiquitous place known as the Comfort Zone. The photos above show me stepping waaaayyyyout of mine. On the left, I'm getting ready to jump off the black rocks and into the cool waters of Mother Superior in Marquette, MI.  And on the right, you can see that I did, indeed, jump.

But back to that photo on the left: this wasn't the first time that day I'd stood at that point overlooking the lake. Probably wasn't the second or third...maybe fourth or fifth? Regardless, I stood there contemplating whether or not to actually jump. I knew what to do, I knew what I was getting into, I knew I'd be safe, I knew I could swim back to shore...and yet I still hesitated a bit longer with every jump. Why? Why do we pause when we're relatively sure of the outcome?

What is it about the repetition of a set of actions- in my example, jumping off rocks into water- that creates anxiety? Why, if we're so comfortable knowing what's going to happen, do we pause? My theory is this: we're afraid of getting what we want. For me, every time I stood at the edge of that rock, I was one step closer to how I wanted others to see me, and how I wanted to see myself: FEARLESS.

Up until the very moment captured in those photos, I had always relied on the narrative that told me "You don't get to have the easy ride through school...you don't get to have the transition to adulthood be a breeze...you don't get to date the cute guy you have a crush on...you don't get to have the great job...you don't get the bank account that's never overdrawn...you don't get to have grand adventures..." You catch my drift? It's the story that helped form my work ethic, helped me learn about perseverance, helped me be someone who can endure, And yet.

Back up to a few years before those photos were taken. I was in Chicago for a work conference, and one of my friends from high school met me for catch up over cocktails. We ended up recommending books to each other, titles that (we thought) shaped our lives. I recommended to him "The Pecking Order" by Dalton Conley, and he recommended to me "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives.

I was married at the time. My now ex-husband was and still is an alcoholic. In an effort to seem on top of the game, I had turned into a control freak. I was an enabler, letting my anger at his alcoholism feed the narrative of being the woman who persevered through things like this, who endured a shitty marriage, who managed to keep it together just how I liked it-perfect- despite that one thing being out of my control.

I read that book. The big takeaway?

"Other people's problems are not your problems."

I must have read that line a thousand times. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and nothing that I wanted to hear. My entire identity was dependent on suffering, and here was this one line in this one book. I was at that rock's edge before I was actually there, right? And that line shoved me off the rock, both hands against my back. I couldn't NOT jump. 

Granted, it took three more years to actually leave. And you'd think that I'd have been okay with my new life. But then I found myself literally on that rock, looking down at the lake. And I was a bit paralyzed by the notion that jumping continuously was proving me to be someone who persevered, someone who endured, someone who faced things that scared her, someone who was FEARLESS. I had a new identity to forge, one jump at a time. 

Since that time, I've made a commitment to myself to always be adventurous, always be curious, and to continuously evolve. My Comfort Zone is still there- I still like to be in control- but the signals of change are not as aggressive with the push these days. I've learned to be receptive to the nudges from the Universe. I've gotten to the point where I can be excited and scared in equal measure about things I'd never have considered before. I'm writing new chapters all the time. My new mantra is "PBE- play by ear."

I've become the person with the job I love, whose bank account is better managed, who gets the cute guy, who goes on adventures, who can (for the most part) call herself FEARLESS.

Friends, it's not as scary as it looked.

Until next time,

XO Rachel

Fallibility, Get vs. Got, and Growth

This past week, I sent a link to the people taking part in the studio's 40 Day Challenge. The piece talks about repentance and forgiveness, and how both of those things bring up feelings of shame and resentment, how they're difficult to grapple with, and how all of this can contribute to our sense of self. The author lays out four steps (Jewish teachings) to making the shift away from ego and towards truth: recognition of a mistake made, apologizing to those you've hurt, repair the damage done, and making sure the same doesn't happen again.

fallible (adj.)- capable of being mistaken; erring

Often times we resist moving through the steps laid out in the article because the third step- repairing the damage done- is so difficult. Repairing damage involves making additions or deletions to what we think we know ourselves to be; the recognition of our own fallibility is truly part of being curious about and open to the process of discovering "self." And that journey is one we fight against taking more often than not.

So much fighting! Another piece I sent to our 40 Day Challengers spoke to our internal fight between "get" and "got." Our society is definitely a consumer-driven one, and I think we've all been guilty at one point or another of coveting "the next best thing." The disconnect in balancing needs vs. wants comes when we strive to "get" something, then have no idea what to do once we've "got" whatever it is. Our thought process is stunted, incomplete because our actions were self-directed. Redirecting our thoughts and actions towards a "give" mindset then is a way to help us move forward on that journey of discovering "self."

No matter how far you have gone down a wrong road, turn back.

- Turkish proverb

Once we commit to acting in a way that reflects our true self, we begin to see shifts in every aspect of our lives. Admitting that we're imperfect or susceptible to doing others harm is just one step; committing to not reacting to situations in a way that causes others- or ourselves!- harm is just as important. We must continue to call ourselves out on not being true to ourselves. Self harm causes distress in our relationships with others just as often as with ourselves.

Reminder: ignored behavior becomes accepted behavior. 

Think about the behaviors you routinely brush off as part of your personality or as harmless or "no big deal." And now think about how those behaviors reflect on YOU, on your true self, on your relationships with those you love. Don't allow yourself to become complacent; continue on the journey to reveal your true self with thoughts, eyes, hands and heart wide open. It's the best way to facilitate growth.

Until next time,

XO Rachel

Presence

“I rose this morning early as usual, and went to my desk. But it's spring, and the thrush is in the woods, somewhere in the twirled branches, and he is singing. And now I am stepping down onto the grass. I am touching a few leaves. I am noticing the way the yellow butterflies move together, in a twinkling cloud, over the field. And I am thinking: maybe just looking and listening is the real work. Maybe the world, without us, is the real poem.”

-Mary Oliver

Where I live right now, it's actually deep autumn, but the passage above by one of my very favorite poets, Mary Oliver, mentions spring, which to me is not necessarily the opposite season, rather its counter: one season is about Mother Nature going to sleep, and the other is Her waking.

This time of year I always seem a bit more introspective than usual. Facebook friends post daily "I am thankful for..." lists in anticipation of the Thanksgiving holiday. I'm usually too depressed about summer leaving to be grateful for anything. And so this year rather than struggle to give thanks for a laundry list (because I'm that person who will end the month by saying I'm thankful for a 5-blade razor so my legs stay shaved longer...), I've decided to cultivate presence.

present (adj.)- being with one or others in the specified or understood place; being here. presence (noun)- attendance or company.

How many of us have gone somewhere with a group of people- friends, family, co-workers- and at one point or another checked our phone? And then noticed that everyone else is checking their phones, too? It's a ubiquitous habit. I know I'm guilty of distracting myself with technology when I'm bored or uncomfortable or anxious. But I also know my parents taught me better manners than to ignore invited company. 

What about presence in our work? Hopefully we're spending our days doing work that we love (and get compensated for in one way or another). I happen to have two jobs: one that provides me with opportunities to connect and learn from a culture that is not my own, and one that allows me to connect and learn from a culture of my own making. My "real" job is chaotic and unpredictable, and I know it is where I need my presence most; some days it is the most difficult thing for me to reel in my monkey mind and focus on whatever task is in my hands. With my "fun" job, it is much easier to be present because it's what I'm trying to share, the benefits of being all in.

So why is it so difficult to be present at one job and not the other? Honestly, I've been doing some deep searching for an answer to this for quite some time. If I know what to do (because I do it in one place), why don't I do it no matter where I am? TRUTH: its easiest for me to be present at my "fun" job because I'm wholly invested in the outcome my presence generates.

Being busy with something other than the task at hand physically shows that you are interested in something else besides what or who is in front of you. My goal is to train myself to place what- or whomever is most important to me in the closest proximity. New habits! Does this mean certain things fan out and away from me? Yes. Does this mean certain people have been edited out completely? Yes, again. 

So what of the benefits of practicing presence? How can we do this in our yoga practice? And how can this help us everywhere else?

"When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?"

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Question: Do you love yourself? I mean really, really LOVE yourself? How do you do this? Do you treat your body like the miraculous machine it is? Do you fuel it with the healthiest foods? Do you move it enough so that your internal organs, muscles, joints and fascia stay functional? Do you give it enough rest when you've gone off the rails in one of those other areas? 

My daily yoga practice helps me love myself and the vessel that carries me through this world. With my concentrated breathing, I am lulled- almost hypnotised- into a state of calm where only the task of moving my body through the different asanas is important. Sometimes, I'm lucky enough that my yoga flow takes me into "flow." The motion of each limb as it settles into place is a "thank you" celebration for my body,  the postures themselves turn into a gorgeous dance.

Like any action repeated over and over, my yoga has become a habit. And so loving myself has become a habit. Loving what I do has become a habit. Sharing and celebrating who and what I love has become a habit. Presence then, has become the best present I could ever gift myself.

Until next time, 

XO Rachel

Lake Superior and Zen Recap

Last weekend I had the absolute pleasure to lead a group of women on a retreat. Our location: the Lake Superior shoreline, with a beach side yurt for overnight accommodations. Our goal? Reconnect with ourselves in body, mind, and spirit.

Our day started at the Bay Furnace camp ground with an out-of-comfort-zone HIIT-style workout. Two of us were used to this style of workout, while for the others, this was brand new territory. I designed what I called the "$5.00 Workout": if you had a penny for every rep performed, at the end of the workout you'd have five bucks. Yay! Here it is if you'd like to try: 100 squats/ 100 speed skaters/ 75 sit ups/ 75 crunchy frogs/ 50 tricep plank dips/ 50 push ups/ 25 tuck jumps/ 25 burpees.

After a healthy lunch, we delved into a Yoga 101 talk, touching on the Eight Limbs of yoga, an introduction to chakras, yoga etiquette, and a review of basic yoga postures. And what happened next? Partner yoga poses on the beach (click on the photo below for a slide show)! The smiles and laughter were one of the best parts of the entire retreat. 

Back to the yurt and more talk time, tapping into what keeps us going. We created mantras for ourselves, then created meditative mandalas to go along with them. This was easily the most intense part of the retreat, emotions and vulnerability all around. How do we bring back the ease and settle back into a groove? Beach walk to the Bay Furnace ruins, complete with barefoot icy water crossing.

A brief moment to warm up in the yurt, then back out to the beach for a gentle outdoor vinyasa flow practice. The sun broke through the clouds and shone down on us the entire practice, gentle breezes and warm sunshine making savasana extra sweet.

Springtime beach bonfire, dinner and more camaraderie rounded out the day, with a few of us spending the night in the yurt, continuing earlier conversations, dealing out our Karma Cards, sipping on wine. 

Guiding the participants through each of the components of the day, asking questions to help them clarify their intentions and goals, and (of course) getting them to push past self-imposed barriers in regards to physical limitations was more rewarding than I can say. I'm proud of the work they did and of the work I did, too.

Here's to looking forward to the next retreat opportunity. 

BIG NEWS!

We're moving!

We are very happy to announce that we will be offering all classes at our new studio space beginning April 1st!

We are incredibly grateful for this opportunity, and are excited to be able to expand our offerings of yoga classes and personal training sessions, as well as workshops and special events.

Thank you to all of our students who continue to make this the most fun and fulfilling job- we can't wait to practice with you in our new space!

AHAVA STUDIO     1310 Ludington Street, Escanaba